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by Pymmie » Sun Feb 03, 2019 7:10 pm

Sh#t Happens ...

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Understeer - Hitting the fence with the front of the car
Oversteer - Hitting the fence with the rear of the car
Horsepower -How fast you hit the fence
Torque - How far you take the fence with you
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by RAP72 » Mon Nov 25, 2019 8:20 pm

An old, blind man wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... he finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind,
that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously.... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The old blind guy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'Naw ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times".
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by AH1951 » Sat Dec 07, 2019 5:14 am

A spokesman for the Labour Party this morning confirmed that a new pledge in their election manifesto would be to introduce a new tax on sunshine.
"We want to ensure equality in all aspects of life." He said.
"And while we can't actually guarantee more sunshine for people living in the rainy North, we can certainly take the smile off those smug rich faces down south, who benefit unfairly from having more sunshine, by taxing them more.
He also confirmed there would be a new Minister for Sunshine, whose departments will allocate a Sunshine Index to each post code in the country and arrange for people in sun-deficient areas to be given variable 'sunshine grants'.
"This will create thousands of administrative jobs for otherwise-unemployable people."
A Conservative Party spokesman responded by saying the Tories would provide free vitamin D tablets to all who wanted them.
A Brexit Party spokesman derided both other parties' schemes as 'completely barmy'.
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by Pymmie » Sun Dec 08, 2019 1:28 pm

This made me chuckle ...

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Mk3 Int 128/4451 - SW Area Rep (Devon/Cornwall)

Understeer - Hitting the fence with the front of the car
Oversteer - Hitting the fence with the rear of the car
Horsepower -How fast you hit the fence
Torque - How far you take the fence with you
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by AH1951 » Mon Dec 09, 2019 9:20 am

"Hello all you gullible peasants, Prince Charles here, aka Duke of Rothesay, Duke of Cornwall, Plant Whisperer, etc. Hahahahahahaha.
Now, where was I?
Oh yes, now we here at The Palace are all terribly impressed about the way you common people have gone about reducing your Carbon Footprint, but it's not nearly enough, you see.
The climate is heating up at the astonishing rate of one centigrade degree over the last 140 years. That's 0.007 of a degree per year!
Or, to put it another way, seven one thousandths of a degree per year!
This is obviously an emergency.
So, from mid-day tomorrow, by Royal Proclamation, all travel by car, aeroplane, train, bus and motorcycles will actually be banned, actually.
Except for Royalty, Celebrities, Politicians and very rich people of course.
Don't be too upset. Think how much weight you will lose, how much fitter you will be, after 6 months of walking and cycling.
No need to thank me.
And I must say a special thank-you to Harry and his cute little wife Megsy.
They've been tirelessly flying all over the world in order to spread the word about the need to reduce our Carbon Footprint.
Must dash.
The new Bentley was delivered this morning so I'm taking Camilla for a spin now.
Byeeee....."
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by Grant » Mon Dec 09, 2019 7:56 pm

AH1951 wrote:"Hello all you gullible peasants, Prince Charles here, aka Duke of Rothesay, Duke of Cornwall, Plant Whisperer, etc. Hahahahahahaha.
Now, where was I?
Oh yes, now we here at The Palace are all terribly impressed about the way you common people have gone about reducing your Carbon Footprint, but it's not nearly enough, you see.
The climate is heating up at the astonishing rate of one centigrade degree over the last 140 years. That's 0.007 of a degree per year!
Or, to put it another way, seven one thousandths of a degree per year!
This is obviously an emergency.
So, from mid-day tomorrow, by Royal Proclamation, all travel by car, aeroplane, train, bus and motorcycles will actually be banned, actually.
Except for Royalty, Celebrities, Politicians and very rich people of course.
Don't be too upset. Think how much weight you will lose, how much fitter you will be, after 6 months of walking and cycling.
No need to thank me.
And I must say a special thank-you to Harry and his cute little wife Megsy.
They've been tirelessly flying all over the world in order to spread the word about the need to reduce our Carbon Footprint.
Must dash.
The new Bentley was delivered this morning so I'm taking Camilla for a spin now.
Byeeee....."

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by AH1951 » Mon Dec 09, 2019 11:15 pm

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by AH1951 » Mon Dec 09, 2019 11:17 pm

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by Grant » Tue Dec 10, 2019 12:24 am

AH1951 wrote:
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As funny as I find this as a Joke.. it is so true and maybe should be in a the general discussion thread...Burning a load of coal to make electricity to charge a so called flock of "Green Cars" has never made any "Green Sense" to me :? .. But I am not a follower of all this sort of stuff, but even the basics of it doesn't add up to meImage, I don't follow, read or study any of the facts so I am not really open for debate or discussion on any of it, but just my small pea brain outset views see none of it really adding up as a sensible move to resolving anything, making the batteries, constantly charging them and then disposing of them somehow doesn't appear to be bettering anything from where I'm peering in fromImage
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by Chris_R » Tue Dec 10, 2019 12:50 am

Whilst the UK does use some coal between April and August it was less than 1% of all electricity generated. In the same period up to 34% came from wind and between 5% and 10% came from solar generation.
Even in this month of December up to 8% of our electricity has come from solar generation, about the same as coal although obviously these were used at different times of the day.
It's also well known that central power generation is a far more efficient use of energy and less polluting than individual cars using energy in their engines.
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by AH1951 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 1:00 am

I think the joke picture comes from the USA where coal-produced electricity was 27% in 2018.
In China, that figure is closer to 70%.
UK is a minnow in terms of man-made CO2 production (1.03% of global) which is another reason why expensive efforts to reduce it are insane.
However, since 1990, greenhouse gases have fallen by 41% in the UK.
David Cameron's father-in-law (Sir Reginald Sheffield, worth £20 million.) makes £350,000-00/year from hosting 5 or 6 ridiculous, hideous wind turbines on his land, so the renewables surcharge makes a few people happy. But not the many.
Perhaps we should ask the French to build even more nuclear power stations in France. UK already buys some electricity from them.
Let them bear the risks of a meltdown.
:) :) :)
"Nuclear power plants have flooded France with cheap electricity, which is allowing them to sell at a tidy profit to struggling British suppliers."
Source: Daily Telegraph, 16th June 2018.
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by AH1951 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 6:07 am

From Labour's manifesto: "We will introduce a windfall tax on oil companies so that those companies who knowingly damaged our climate help cover the cost."
= Higher Fuel Prices.
:) :) :)
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by colin7673 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 8:21 am

AH1951 wrote:From Labour's manifesto: "We will introduce a windfall tax on oil companies so that those companies who knowingly damaged our climate help cover the cost."
= Higher Fuel Prices.
:) :) :)


They will wave goodbye to England
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by RAP72 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 11:35 am

AH1951 wrote:From Labour's manifesto: "We will introduce a windfall tax on oil companies so that those companies who knowingly damaged our climate help cover the cost."
= Higher Fuel Prices.
:) :) :)


Like every other commercial company, to maintain a profit margin, they will increase their prices to cover the 'windfall tax'. These increased costs will then be passed onto the public. Which, in turn will result in higher prices in the shops, utilities etc etc. This will result in politicians clambering for an increase in the minimum wage. It is the same argument for increasing the 'Minimum Wage.' The cry is to raise the average of those working and remove those that are on the poverty line. The higher the wage the more the average goes up. One economist once wrote a paper saying if you gave everyone £1M within a year some would have nothing and some would be multi millionaires.

We need to remember that the money the politicians are glibly banding about as potential spends comes, ultimately, from the Tax Payer/YOU.
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by colin7673 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 1:43 pm

and then the jokes stopped..
Let's get lighter and have a laugh
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