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by Richie » Fri Mar 16, 2018 7:33 am

Similarly...
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Richie
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by Pymmie » Mon Mar 19, 2018 6:10 pm

Oh Dear!

Saturday night lock in ...
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Mk3 Int 128/4451 - SW Area Rep (Devon/Cornwall)

Understeer - Hitting the fence with the front of the car
Oversteer - Hitting the fence with the rear of the car
Horsepower -How fast you hit the fence
Torque - How far you take the fence with you
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by ChrisL » Fri May 18, 2018 6:34 am

My pet mouse Elvis died today.

He was caught in a trap.
Chris L
J-H Mk1 11327
GT 30305
Perth, Australia
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by ChrisL » Tue May 29, 2018 11:52 am

Fourteen Logical Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs and Not Wives

1. The later you are, the happier your dog is to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.

4. Dogs' parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go. Instantly, 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're pissed.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell 'em.

11. When you drop a silent one, dogs don't run around frantically with room spray.

12. Dogs never tell you to stop scratching your balls. Instead, they sit pondering why you don't lick 'em.

13. If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.

14. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won't take half your stuff.

To verify these statements lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour.
Then open the door, and observe who's happy to see you!
Chris L
J-H Mk1 11327
GT 30305
Perth, Australia
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by Dion » Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:03 pm

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67 Interceptor 117/2610
68 Interceptor 115/2943
63 TR4, 67 Jag 420, 67 Chamois
01 Bonneville
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by AH1951 » Tue Jun 19, 2018 10:06 am

Flowerbed

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"Climate Change =The Biggest Fraud in History."
Dan Peña.
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by VFK44 » Tue Jun 19, 2018 3:49 pm

Light bulb- very.
Image
"Just because Science doesn't 'know everything', doesn't mean you can fill in the blanks with whatever fairy story most appeals to you" Dara O'Briain
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by DaveT » Tue Jul 24, 2018 6:26 am

this appeared in our local newspaper last week!

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Dave Turnage
Colchester

JOC 8674
JOC 541 Registrar
541S, 100/1061
541R, 6002/387 (now in lots of pieces!)
Alvis speed 25 DHC
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by RAP72 » Thu Aug 09, 2018 1:30 pm

You may have heard this back country Aussie Guy before, his monologs are legendary.



http://www.youtube.com/embed/r0kIj_PIpaI
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by RockyUSA » Thu Aug 09, 2018 2:33 pm

Did you hear I got fired from my job at the orange juice company?

I couldn’t concentrate!

After that I got a job at the Singer Sewing Company. But I had to quit.....

They needled me too much!
'72 Interceptor III - 133/5597
'73 DeTomaso Pantera
'74 Toyota Land Cruiser FJ-40
'95 Jaguar XJS Convertible
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by AH1951 » Thu Aug 09, 2018 6:40 pm

If, after you die, you were to come back on Earth as a small red and white tin of condensed milk, would that be re-in-Carnation?
"Climate Change =The Biggest Fraud in History."
Dan Peña.
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by RockyUSA » Thu Aug 09, 2018 8:01 pm

Did you hear that they were going to remake the movie “Dunkirk“ because of the criticism that the entire movie was filled with white guys?

It’s true.

They have just cast Oprah Winfrey to play the part of Winston Churchhill.

Neil Patrick Harris will be playing the part of Eva Braun.
'72 Interceptor III - 133/5597
'73 DeTomaso Pantera
'74 Toyota Land Cruiser FJ-40
'95 Jaguar XJS Convertible
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by RAP72 » Fri Aug 10, 2018 1:42 pm

Just been to the shops and swapped 50 raisins for 75 sultanas. Can’t believe the currant exchange rate!
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by David Devine » Thu Aug 16, 2018 3:20 pm

……………… TERRIBLE NUMBERS JOKE ……………………..





Travelling in my MG XPower SV, with the all new highly secret “All Electric 4 x 4 MG6 experimental model !!! “ , (this is fictional, just so you know…….. you can change this to any make or model you so desire) ” following me, we arrived at the Italian Autostrada toll exit, on the E64 heading to Brescia, for the Mille Miglia weekend, when we had to pull up behind a line of cars for police inspections and the car in front was a Audi Quattro and the story goes like this…………….











“ Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian Autostrada Peage Exit………..



The Italian Customs agent stops them and tells them: "It'sa illegal to putta 5 people in de Quattro."



"Vot do you mean it'z illegal?" asks the German driver.



"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.



Qvattro is just ze name of ze automobile", the Germans retort unbelievingly. "Look at ze papers: zis car is designt to kerry 5 persons."



"You can'ta pulla thata one on me!," replies the Italian customs agent.



"Quattro meansa four. You hava fivea people ina your car and you are thereforea breaking the law."



The German driver replies angrily, - "You idiot! Call your zupervisor over, I vant to speak to somevone viz more intelligence!"







"Sorry", responds the Italian official, "he can'ta come. ……………………. !!!





He'sa busy witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno. !!!







With deepest apologies to all at, Audi, Fiat and the German and Italian people .
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by Richie » Mon Aug 20, 2018 10:16 am

From the Edinburg Fringe...
"Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day."Adam Rowe
"I had a job drilling holes for water - it was well boring" - Leo Kearse
"I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don't pay it back, I'm going to get repossessed" - Olaf Falafel
"In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me" - Daniel Audritt
"What do colour blind people do when they are told to eat their greens?" - Flo and Joan
"I've got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it's not easy. They keep moving the goalposts" - Darren Walsh
"Trump said he'd build a wall but he hasn't even picked up a brick. He's just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project" - Justin Moorhouse
"I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it" - Adele Cliff
"Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?" - Alex Edelman
"I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it's like this all the time" - Laura Lexx
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