joke thread
Re: joke thread
From the Scottish Herald TV guide...
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Manwithaplan
- Posts: 341
- Joined: Fri Sep 27, 2013 3:10 pm
- Location: Dawlish, UK
Re: joke thread
The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the M4 near Bridgend recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorrys, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry"
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry"
Restoration project vehicle Interceptor 115/ 3213
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.
The name is Mike, another Mike.
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.
The name is Mike, another Mike.
Re: joke thread
Just asked Siri...
"Surely its not going to rain today?"
She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley"
I had forgotten to take my phone off airplane mode.
"Surely its not going to rain today?"
She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley"
I had forgotten to take my phone off airplane mode.
Re: local newspaper headlines
The following appeared last week in a local newspaper:
ORGAN WITH A PLACE IN ROCK HISTORY NOW IN NEED OF REVIVAL.
Anyone from the Rolling Stones......?
ORGAN WITH A PLACE IN ROCK HISTORY NOW IN NEED OF REVIVAL.
Anyone from the Rolling Stones......?
Tony Marshall
JML 1967-74
JOC 7828
JML 1967-74
JOC 7828
Trump RIP
Donald Trump became US President and went on a fact-finding visit to Israel. While he was on a tour of Jerusalem he suffered a heart attack and died.
The undertaker then told the American Diplomats who were accompanying him, 'You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for just $100.'
The American Diplomats went into a corner and discussed this for a few minutes. They came back to the undertaker and told him they wanted Donald shipped home.
The undertaker was puzzled and asked, 'Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?
The American Diplomats replied, 'A long time ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take the risk...'
The undertaker then told the American Diplomats who were accompanying him, 'You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for just $100.'
The American Diplomats went into a corner and discussed this for a few minutes. They came back to the undertaker and told him they wanted Donald shipped home.
The undertaker was puzzled and asked, 'Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?
The American Diplomats replied, 'A long time ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take the risk...'
Previous Jensen Owner 2010-2022 (128/4451)
Understeer - Hitting the fence with the front of the car
Oversteer - Hitting the fence with the rear of the car
Horsepower -How fast you hit the fence
Torque - How far you take the fence with you
Understeer - Hitting the fence with the front of the car
Oversteer - Hitting the fence with the rear of the car
Horsepower -How fast you hit the fence
Torque - How far you take the fence with you
Re: joke thread
"So brave. Took years of soul-searching, but finally Paul Burrell came out as Scottish..."