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by AH1951 » Wed May 27, 2020 4:24 am

Adapting to circumstances.

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by RAP72 » Fri May 29, 2020 1:33 pm

?
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by colin7673 » Sun May 31, 2020 4:58 pm

Hmmm
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by jpmf » Mon Jun 08, 2020 10:16 pm

Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill.

One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw.

Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.

Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick.

The nurse says, 'Oh he's out in Rehab exercising'.

Paddy couldn't believe it, but here's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm.

The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.

A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw thingamabob.

So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to hospital.

Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is.

The nurse replies, 'He's out in the Rehab again exercising'.

And sure enough, here's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill.

And very soon Mick comes back to work.

But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.

Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital.

Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is.

The nurse breaks down and cries and says, 'He's dead.'

Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. 'I suppose the saw finally did him in.'

'No', says the nurse, 'Some dopey b*stard put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated'
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by RockyUSA » Tue Jun 09, 2020 12:26 am

That was actually very funny!

Thanks!

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by colin7673 » Tue Jun 09, 2020 11:59 am

**** FROM ROLLS-ROYCE STAFF MAGAZINE ******

Sometimes it does take a rocket scientist; this is actual occurrence.!





Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windscreens of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity.


The idea was to simulate the frequent incidents of airstrike collisions with airborne birds to test the strength of the windshields.


US engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on their new high speed trains, arrangements were made and a gun was sent to the USA.


When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow.


The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.


You're going to love this......

Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:

"First defrost the chicken."
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by RAP72 » Wed Jun 10, 2020 5:20 pm

CAN YOU GET MARRIED IN HEAVEN?
>
> On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were tragically involved in a fatal car accident.
> The couple then find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
>
> While waiting, they begin to wonder:
>
> Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
> When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.
> > St. Peter said, 'I don't know. But this is the first time anyone has asked this question. So let me go find out,' and he leaves. The couple sat and waited, and waited.
>
> Two months passed and the couple are still waiting.
>
> As they waited, they discussed that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all...
>
> "'What if it doesn't work?' they wondered, 'Are we stuck together forever?'
>
> After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.
>
> 'Yes,' he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven."
>
> 'Great!' said the couple, ..."but we were just wondering, what if things don't work out?.... Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
>
> St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.
>
> What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.
>
> 'OH, COME ON!', St. Peter shouted, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here!
>
> Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a Lawyer?!'
>
>
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by Pymmie » Mon Jun 15, 2020 9:24 am

#ALM.

Made me chuckle...

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Understeer - Hitting the fence with the front of the car
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